Let's be kind to ourselves and offer self compassion?
We don’t realize each day in our lives that we find some way to hurt ourselves by participating in self destructive thinking or some form of addiction. For some of us it is both.
For me I turned to the addiction of smoking –that is how I could wallow in my bad day or weak moment. I would tell myself it was my reward or treat but it was really an emotional addiction. People would always say to me ( I always ignored ) that “smoking is so bad for you” I used to think gosh don’t they know I am smart and realize that. But what I slowly realized as a smoker was that I was punishing myself or participating in behavior that I thought favored my life and made me feel good.
But how could it feel good to me if it was so bad for me?
My brother in law said to me once “ Your body is like a temple why treat it like a playground? ” Those words stuck with me. Of course that did not stop me from smoking at the time but I did have a few thought provoking questions for myself.
Why was I treating my body so bad by smoking? Why would I internalize things to hurt myself by smoking?
That began a journey for myself and I started down a road of self discovery. I also realized as human beings we are running from our feelings through our thoughts or actions that lead to turning to some form of self destruction. I used smoking as an escape from running from what I was truly feeling.
Once I decided to quit I realized that I had a lot of unprocessed emotion. This article is not just about smoking it is about emotional addiction and creating self compassion for ourselves. Maybe I was always too hard on myself, creating high expectations and not being kind enough and good to me. I did a great job being good to everyone else, family, work, friends etc.
I was escaping a feeling of anxiety and fighting a feeling while using smoking to cope.
The thought I was telling myself ( one of many ) was “ life is too hard “ which gave me a feeling of defeat which in turn resulted in smoking. Our thoughts create our feelings and then in turn create the results or action. I then had to find a better feeling thought that I believed such as: I am beginning to enjoy life without smoking -which gave me a feeling of hope which in turn kept my momentum going by taking one step at a time or I should say 1 minute at a time for smokers.
See by choosing temporary vices like smoking, eating, shopping, gambling etc that are not healthy for us it tricks our mind into believing that we are feeling true joy but really it is a temporary fix. When we are in our wrong life and headed further and further away from our true selves we look for any substance or activity that dulls the feeling.
Once we escape our feelings we chose to be unconscious, once we choose to be unconscious, we are no longer present in our lives. If we are not being present in our lives then who are we really being? Our thinking?
Being present is important because it allows us to be fully engaged in the moment and not think about what needs to be done next week or what else needs to be done on our to do list.
We do ourselves a great disservice by not being present because it allows our thinking to dictate our lives.
3 tips if you find yourself being unconscious
1. Journal your thoughts with no judgment to understand what might be going on in your thinking –like if you miss a meeting don’t punish yourself with a bad thought say well this allows me time to regroup and slow down a few times a day
2. Allow yourself breathing space in your head by abandoning thoughts in your mind. Try doing an activity or meditation that is good for you. Walk in the park, reading, or by relaxing for 5 minutes to feel a sense of calmness.
3. Repeat your mantras that you really believe –like I am beginning to become healthy, I am learning to stay calm, I am following my heart and pursuing my dreams: this allows better feeling thoughts that create inspired actions
If you are living in your thinking then it is disregarding your heart – if you disregard your heart –you will detach from who you really are
Your heart knows your true desires, your mind is the tool to get it and your body knows how to navigate you along the way.
So next time you find yourself participating in an activity or vice that is not so healthy for you: ask yourself what feeling could I be fighting or denying myself to feel and how can I choose better feeling thoughts that create momentum for myself and more self compassion.
We don’t realize each day in our lives that we find some way to hurt ourselves by participating in self destructive thinking or some form of addiction. For some of us it is both.
For me I turned to the addiction of smoking –that is how I could wallow in my bad day or weak moment. I would tell myself it was my reward or treat but it was really an emotional addiction. People would always say to me ( I always ignored ) that “smoking is so bad for you” I used to think gosh don’t they know I am smart and realize that. But what I slowly realized as a smoker was that I was punishing myself or participating in behavior that I thought favored my life and made me feel good.
But how could it feel good to me if it was so bad for me?
My brother in law said to me once “ Your body is like a temple why treat it like a playground? ” Those words stuck with me. Of course that did not stop me from smoking at the time but I did have a few thought provoking questions for myself.
Why was I treating my body so bad by smoking? Why would I internalize things to hurt myself by smoking?
That began a journey for myself and I started down a road of self discovery. I also realized as human beings we are running from our feelings through our thoughts or actions that lead to turning to some form of self destruction. I used smoking as an escape from running from what I was truly feeling.
Once I decided to quit I realized that I had a lot of unprocessed emotion. This article is not just about smoking it is about emotional addiction and creating self compassion for ourselves. Maybe I was always too hard on myself, creating high expectations and not being kind enough and good to me. I did a great job being good to everyone else, family, work, friends etc.
I was escaping a feeling of anxiety and fighting a feeling while using smoking to cope.
The thought I was telling myself ( one of many ) was “ life is too hard “ which gave me a feeling of defeat which in turn resulted in smoking. Our thoughts create our feelings and then in turn create the results or action. I then had to find a better feeling thought that I believed such as: I am beginning to enjoy life without smoking -which gave me a feeling of hope which in turn kept my momentum going by taking one step at a time or I should say 1 minute at a time for smokers.
See by choosing temporary vices like smoking, eating, shopping, gambling etc that are not healthy for us it tricks our mind into believing that we are feeling true joy but really it is a temporary fix. When we are in our wrong life and headed further and further away from our true selves we look for any substance or activity that dulls the feeling.
Once we escape our feelings we chose to be unconscious, once we choose to be unconscious, we are no longer present in our lives. If we are not being present in our lives then who are we really being? Our thinking?
Being present is important because it allows us to be fully engaged in the moment and not think about what needs to be done next week or what else needs to be done on our to do list.
We do ourselves a great disservice by not being present because it allows our thinking to dictate our lives.
3 tips if you find yourself being unconscious
1. Journal your thoughts with no judgment to understand what might be going on in your thinking –like if you miss a meeting don’t punish yourself with a bad thought say well this allows me time to regroup and slow down a few times a day
2. Allow yourself breathing space in your head by abandoning thoughts in your mind. Try doing an activity or meditation that is good for you. Walk in the park, reading, or by relaxing for 5 minutes to feel a sense of calmness.
3. Repeat your mantras that you really believe –like I am beginning to become healthy, I am learning to stay calm, I am following my heart and pursuing my dreams: this allows better feeling thoughts that create inspired actions
If you are living in your thinking then it is disregarding your heart – if you disregard your heart –you will detach from who you really are
Your heart knows your true desires, your mind is the tool to get it and your body knows how to navigate you along the way.
So next time you find yourself participating in an activity or vice that is not so healthy for you: ask yourself what feeling could I be fighting or denying myself to feel and how can I choose better feeling thoughts that create momentum for myself and more self compassion.
The self coaching tool I use helps access and find better feeling thoughts. I work with clients to establish emotional wellness and help access the thoughts or limiting beliefs that drive them to self destruction or addiction. My coach friend and mentor Brooke Castillo created the tool and it really works! It has been 5 years since I quit.
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