Choosing the Right Way during Uncertainty?

3 Life Lessons -How do you move in the right direction when you face uncertainty?

I knew right away when I showed up at 6:30 am to join 17 other coaches on a hike in beautiful Sedona that everyone would feel more confident about the hike considering my belly had grown much faster this time around in pregnancy 2 week 23. I was determined to go on the hike because this has been on my vision board for many years. Plus I had to prove nothing would stop me as long as I was feeling well. For many years the clay colored mountains and crystal blue skies were always images that I would tape to my office surroundings. It brought me peace and it was just beautiful. Now I had the opportunity to see it and I knew it would be a magical experience.  

" Sedona has long been known as a spiritual power center because the power that emanates from the vortexes produces some of the most remarkable energy on the planet. This energy is the reason Sedona is full of people that are "on the path", that is, people who have made a commitment to grow and become as much as they can spiritually. "

Little did I know I would be questioning my own path along the way.

Our amazing facilitator and leader Sheila discussed that we were going to set intentions, ask ourselves questions about what we may want to know, and let us know that we were going to hike in absolute wordlessness. A concept taught by Dr. Martha Beck in her new book-Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, you quite the verbal mind to allow your heart to hear messages of calmness and clarity. 

As I hike the trail and begin walking I already began hearing messages loud and clear about my true desires and how to take my next steps in life. These messages are not forced they are just something that come to you effortlessly.  At first it seems spooky until you realize the power of quieting the mind because you can hear your true desires speak loud and clear.

I realized as I began hiking that the group would move at a pace that could separate us but there was only 1 trail and it would be easy to find your way.

Right?

As I hiked on the trail I didn’t know what to expect – but I was going to enjoy myself with no expectation or attachment. I had no idea that the trail itself would be a metaphor for what I was experiencing in my life right now.

  

Each person hiked their own pace, and eventually I had people behind me but no one in front of me.

Lesson 1 Be the leader even when you feel like you have no one to follow.

As I kept walking through the trail there seemed to be more than

one way so I kept wanting to look behind me and ask 

“Are we going the right way? “

Lesson 2 Stop pretending that others know the right path for you only you know that.

The trail didn’t have huge city signs like “don’t enter” or “ This way only.” This is a natural preserved trail. Just to give you an idea, at one point I was standing in front of the trail with what looked like a flat surfaced rock only it was on a sharp incline near a small fence with thorn like wire. I soon realized that it didn’t appear like the right way at all but I kept walking anyway, following my intuition till it felt like what I would consider a normal trail again.

Lesson 3 Just because it doesn’t appear like the right way doesn’t mean it isn’t. 

 At times the path was a very clear walking trail and at times the path seemed rather confusing. Remember there are a blue clear sky, Clay Mountains around and natural colored bushes. You are free to walk towards the mountain away from the trail but at times like I said it didn’t appear like the way.

I realized after hiking the trail, not speaking at all, that my natural tendency was to ask if I was the going the right way.

How many times do we do this in our life? Ask others for the way?

This doesn’t look like the right way but it could be?

The trail was a metaphor for me.

“ What appears to be unknown may not feel like the way. You will feel scared or indifferent and have a tendency to stop or disregard the appearance of what the right way looks like.”

The trail had many metaphors of life such as:

·      Keep Moving Forward The path showed me obstacles that lead me to step over the big rocks or simply walk around. Keep moving forward in life even when faced with obstacles. Do not let your mind make up a story about why the obstacle is there. Keep moving forward even if you don't know. 

·      It’s ok to lean on others for support -The path showed me that at times I had to maneuver myself by reaching over and holding on to a small branch to make the next step on the trail. Ask for help it's not a default its a strength.

·      Stand with Conviction -The path had an area where you had to place your foot down strong when walking towards the edge –Like when we want to stand for something in life or need to ground ourselves when our foundation feels shaky. Stand for what you believe even when you are on the edge and no one agrees. 

I received many messages that day while on the hike and these life lessons were profound for me.

But this powerful metaphor of hiking the trail of life and wondering if you are going the right way will never leave me.

There are many ways to take in life and to experience during changes, strife, or challenges but keep in mind just because it doesn’t appear like the right way doesn’t mean it’s not.

Thank you Sheila for an awesome guided tour of Sedona and all of my coach friends that shared in the amazing experience that day. 

www.nedrios.com
Ned Rios is a writer, coach and speaker. She resides in Houston, Tx with her husband, son, baby on the way and Diego (family dog). She supports and guides individuals who want more meaning in life, business and careers. She teaches how to align your deep desires, with your contribution to the world and match it up with an amazing career or business. She will teach what to do with all of the uncertainty your mind will come up with so you can get on with the greatness of life.  

Holding on too long

Life is like a box of chocolates, if you procrastinate too long, others will end up having to inform you how good it was.

-MindPowerCoach

Procrastination is compelling-

you either want to do something or you don't

If you don't scratch it off and move on, if not find out what stops you from moving forward.

-Ned Rios

Why I want to Blog More and Stress Less

Why I want to Blog More and Stress Less?

Hi Fellow readers- I am entering a contest to win a spot in a program called Blog more Stress Less. Wish me luck! 

I would love to be in this class for the content and to learn from Laurie. I enjoy her authentic writing and feel she has much information and guidance to share. 

I would love to win the contest because I really feel like writing is a strategy that I want to use more often to attract my ideal clients. I feel that writing gives me the art of communication that allows people to connect with solutions to their troubles, pain or challenges in careers or business. I know that I am getting an internal tug to write more, especially at this time in my life. I have a 17 month old son and another one on the way and feel that getting better with writing more often and crafting better messages will help support my business in the best direction. It will also allow me time to do it on "off" hours yet still keep up with my business and kids. For me this class would fit nicely as a planning phase moving forward in my personal life and a fulfillment to my higher self. It would also put me at ease knowing (less stress) I have a strategy moving forward with more on my plate as a solopreuner running a successful business, household and connecting with a bigger contribution to the world.

As a highly extroverted person it is has taken me a while to go into a state of being introverted and applying wordlessness. (less verbal thought) As I get quite with myself the voice says to read and write more often. More importantly, it feels good for me and I am ready to follow that.

I believe the program would help me by giving me the jumpstart, catalyst I need to learn how to blog more often rather than once a month. For some reason, my topics and messages to share gets crafted and put together so slowly. I would love to learn how to have more output of articles and reach more of my people.

I will use my blog to build my business by connecting with more readers. I seem to articulate thoughts well on paper but it seems like I need to be a bit more specific with the people I am trying to reach.

Most importantly, I am looking for some feedback to help support me while I make writing one of 2 strategies I will use moving forward.

Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of the class.

I look forward to hearing back.

Ned Rios

10 ways to shift your Mindset in a New Job Market

10 ways to shift your mindset in a new job market
1. Mindful thinking means more than just reading about it –connecting your heart and mind isn’t Pollyanna stuff –it's powerful and necessary.
2. Slow is the new fast -use turtle steps not baby steps. In a fast and furious world learning new skill sets, starting projects and building lasting results will matter with slow accurate steps. Try not to judge your pace.
3. It’s ok to wing it-not everything has to be a “how to” or “preplanned” to be successful -lean on your intuition for guidance.  
4. Changing your mind in goal planning is considered an advantage to knowing yourself and being clear of what you want. 
5. Pushing emotions away only means that they will show up in an important meeting, you may lash out to the people you love, or pushing them down  to deal with later – kind of like a beach ball that won't stay down –learn to release emotions instead of suppress them. 
6. As big as social media will be-social skills will be scarce-continue to build your interpersonal skills and relationship building skills.
7. Focus on your successes not failures for motivation.
8. Tunnel vision is not a best practice –learn the practice of stepping out of the box to visualize a solution and stay open minded. 
9. Getting help doesn’t mean you are weak –it is valuable for your truth and can lead to a better vision or perspective.
10. Fulfillment is the key to happiness. Choose wisely, if you are wrong just choose again. 

Lean into life purpose rather than feeling lost

Jane wakes up out of bed, hits snooze too many times, goes through the motions of getting ready for work, feels herself dragging as usual and says to herself-“Is this all there is in life?” She never intended to feel so unmotivated but has somehow found herself wanting something different, more meaningful. 

If you have asked yourself this question and feel the way Jane does every day, you may need to consider a change. While change can be scary for many people, changing the way we do things each day is the only way to begin leading a purposeful life. 

Many people believe that life purpose is a project. That it is a hard thing to find in the noise of the world. In a way it is. The distraction of technology is endless, and not living the rat race can leave you feeling abnormal or unaccomplished.

If you wake up everyday and realize you have a hollow feeling inside that is not getting fulfilled from a relationship, job, your health or business, you may feel lost.  Let’s face it there is no big sign on the road that says “ Find your life purpose here,” otherwise I think there could be a longer line there than at Starbucks

       

           There is nothing more telling than that hollow or lost feeling inside, so welcome it in and allow it a voice. It is there to tell you to listen to who you really are and what you want. It is there to tell you to make that deeper connection and reach inside to that quiet place. That’s the place that you haven’t connected with in years, maybe decades. The good news is you are born with a purpose or a calling. No one can take it away from you and we all have the ability to connect with it. Consider it misplaced, not lost.   

Many people use the word “lost” because there is no direction; you walk into uncertainty and it feels like everything you define yourself by doesn’t make you happy anymore, or no longer feels meaningful. 

There are many positive ways to look at feeling disconnected from your life. It allows you to go on an adventure, relearn what you really like.

When you begin to look for your life purpose, lean into it rather than force yourself, because that will only lead you back into a hollow life. 

What do I mean by lean? 

Like my friend and mentor Martha Beck taught me, just start by noticing what makes you feel good; those heartfelt moments, what attracts you and where that comes from in that moment. 

Sometimes we would like this process to move quickly because we don’t like the way we feel when we go through such shaky grounds. Look at it as recreating a new foundation for yourself; like a blank canvas that needs new paint. Be kind to yourself and give yourself gentle nudges, rather than paying attention to the sergeant like voice in your head that says you are moving too slow. You will eventually build momentum to map out some directions for yourself, but first you have to start. 

Here are three steps to help you lean into life’s purpose.

1-Connect with simple joys 

There is no cookie cutter recipe to help you describe what a simple joy is for you.  You want to connect with what you consider pleasurable because it brings a sense of connection to your true self. 

When searching for purpose, we don’t realize a lot of that has to do with remembering what brings you happiness.  For me, it’s a great cup of coffee. For others it could be running. For some it’s a sunset or the beach, perhaps it’s free time for others, reading a book or never paying attention to the time. You get my drift. 

This is part of leaning into your true likes and pleasures and cutting out things or activities that inundate your daily life and have no meaning. So the key is to find activities, moments, and strategies that bring you some real joy. 

So how do you know if it is real joy? You will know it because you will feel it; that physical and emotional peace. This is a key exercise to consider because it is important to build a foundation of truth from your basic pleasures of life. 

This is a way to lean into life purpose. You are opening space to bring in the newness. 

2 - Use guided imagery to articulate your true purpose.

We all get hijacked by our left brain because that is the verbal section of our minds that wants to quickly label our next venture. So when we get out to discover a purposeful life, our left brain loves to jump in and begin labeling who we are and what’s next. 

To prevent this from happening use guided imagery because it is a creative process that triggers right brain activity. When you can’t articulate what you want your soul speaks through images. When we search for purpose we want to connect with our core self and allow our soul to guide us to a more purposeful life. Begin collecting images or words that you realize you are attracted to. You can use magazines, newspapers, and articles, whatever you feel attracted to cut out or stick on a board. Here is the key - no judging, censoring or editing yourself. This is a creative exercise, so allow yourself to free flow and have fun with it. The results will give you some guidance when you can’t articulate what you want. 

And take my advice - don’t get stuck on where each image should be pasted like I did. There are no rules. Just cut and glue. My recommendation is to collect images or words for 30 days and place them in a box, and then glue them on at one time. Once the images and words are glued onto the board, allow yourself an open mind to see the clues into what a purposeful life may look like for you. 

3 - Don’t chase it. It’s about meaning.

Like the coyote and the roadrunner - don’t waste your energy chasing it. Know what has meaning for you and only you. Don’t chase a meaningless life because that is what everyone else wants or because that is what you think you should want. Meaning is the substance to a purposeful life. It’s about what you think meaning is and learning how to identify what that is for you and how to determine the difference. 

Lost? Try this. Set aside a shelf, table or other space that can be just for you. Now start collecting photos or objects from your life that have had meaning to you in the past. Perhaps that includes your college diploma, your grandmothers jade ring that has been around for generations, or even an award or trophy from a childhood moment. 

While we can look for meaning outside ourselves, it can only be defined through your own definition or an experience. Knowing what has meaning for you is a great place to start. This gives you clarity into surrounding yourself with heartfelt things that are significant to you. 

Hopefully Jane will follow your lead and walk through the above steps so that she can realize what gives her a peaceful connection, as well as identify clues from her vision board on what purpose and meaning is for her. Leaning into a purposeful life is less stressful, and these small steps matter because you are consciously present through the process. When you gain clarity on meaning, purpose and what you really want, the mapping out of it becomes a lot easier. Pay attention in the beginning, be present, welcome the feeling of not knowing everything. Once you know, it is easy to align your purpose with people, activities, jobs, and things that matter to you. 

You will have paint on your canvas before you know it and it will be meaningful because you decided that for yourself when you were lost. 

Ned Rios is a certified life coach that empowers professionals to connect with their strengths and passions in order to maximize their true individual performance.

Whether you are a career professional, transitioning to your own business or already an entrepreneur, Ned’s intuitive approach and strategies can guide you to increase your work passion, get inspired and grow your business while maintaining a lifestyle that fits your value system.

Ned is a certified life coach, writer, speaker and workshop leader. She co-authored a book released in October 2009 called Changes of the Heart –Align your personal strengths to find your purpose.

Download her audio “8 ways to revive your career or business” for free at   HYPERLINK "http://www.nedrios.com" www.nedrios.com 

Do our life circumstances have power over our happiness?

A client and I were in a conversation a few weeks ago. Through our discussion she mentioned the stressful workplace situation and how that sometimes  
robs her from happiness and achievement. I explained to her that we have more control over things than we think.  
I mentioned the book I was reading called, Thrive by Dan Buettner  

In the book he mentions these stats on how we can control our happiness by professor of psychologist PH.D.,Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of  Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. 

50% of individual difference is influenced by our genetic makeup (don't worry this can be changed)
40% is influenced by how we think and act everyday 
10 % life circumstances 

It was shocking to my client(s) that such a small % had to do with circumstance as it was for me when I read it.
Let's face it - we all like to turn and blame our life circumstance, for our misery or negativity. 

Examples: Not enough business, money, time, jobs, stressful workplace, poor management, bad economy etc

If our life circumstance has only 10% to do with happiness then we have a lot more control of our happiness than we think 

What would we do differently each day? Would that change the way we think and act each morning?  

So the question remains how can we remind ourselves during stressful situations that we have more control over our happiness than we realize and to notice our negative thinking as it occurs regardless of our circumstances.

Here are 2 solutions:  

Hit your RESET button 
1) Kind of like how we reboot our computers or reset our printers and start over - only we do this in a way that allows us to think and feel differently about our stressful situation.  
We all know it takes one situation that we consider bad to change the way we think and feel that can lead to a spiral motion of more negativity 
Reset how you feel about the situation and move on.


Solution 2 Change Mindset Another way to look at it is to consider a circumstance to be neither good nor bad  

·      Think of something that truly would makes you laugh out loud or smile about a past memory that brings you peace
·      Create awareness when you know it is happening  (stops disruption of thought patterns)
·      Think of a transition statement that would get you out of the negative mindset and into a different emotion that will change your mood, the energy or the situation for the better ie: this too shall pass, this is temporary, I have a plan to change things 
·      A thought that makes you feel better and allows you to make a small shift changes your energy and mood    


These are small ways to manage and control your feelings -if it still doesn’t work for you begin learning the habits of a person that you consider happy -that may guarantee you the principles so you can replicate. Another alternative is to turn to Brooke Castillo’s Self Coaching 101 where you can learn a thinking model that would guarantee you a better feeling state.

Bottom line: Hit the reset button, state the truth of the situation and decide how to move onward for your sake and your happiness 

And for the rest of us with the 50% genetic makeup -this doesn't mean your happiness levels cannot be changed.  You too can reset the "set points" to learn the habits of happy people. I believe happy people know hot to hit their reset button successfully.  

Remember everyone has a different definition of happiness –know yours for a successful turnout.  

Do life circumstance have control of our happiness?

Do our life circumstances have power over our happiness?

A client and I were in a conversation a few weeks ago. Through our discussion she mentioned the stressful workplace situation and how that sometimes  

robs her from happiness and achievement. I explained to her that we have more control over things than we think.  

I mentioned the book I was reading called, Thrive by Dan Buettner  

In the book he mentions these stats on how we can control our happiness by professor of psychologist PH.D.,Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of  Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. 

50% of individual difference is influenced by our genetic makeup (don't worry this can be changed)

40% is influenced by how we think and act everyday 

10 % life circumstances 

It was shocking to my client(s) that such a small % had to do with circumstance as it was for me when I read it.

Let's face it - we all like to turn and blame our life circumstance, for our misery or negativity. 

Examples: Not enough business, money, time, jobs, stressful workplace, poor management, bad economy etc

If our life circumstance has only 10% to do with happiness then we have a lot more control of our happiness than we think 

What would we do differently each day? Would that change the way we think and act each morning?  

So the question remains how can we remind ourselves during stressful situations that we have more control over our happiness than we realize and to notice our negative thinking as it occurs regardless of our circumstances.

Here are 2 solutions:  

Hit your RESET button 

1) Kind of like how we reboot our computers or reset our printers and start over - only we do this in a way that allows us to think and feel differently about our stressful situation.  

We all know it takes one situation that we consider bad to change the way we think and feel that can lead to a spiral motion of more negativity 

Reset how you feel about the situation and move on.

Solution 2 Change Mindset Another way to look at it is to consider a circumstance to be neither good nor bad  

·      Think of something that truly would makes you laugh out loud or smile about a past memory that brings you peace

·      Create awareness when you know it is happening  (stops disruption of thought patterns)

·      Think of a transition statement that would get you out of the negative mindset and into a different emotion that will change your mood, the energy or the situation for the better ie: this too shall pass, this is temporary, I have a plan to change things 

·      A thought that makes you feel better and allows you to make a small shift changes your energy and mood    

These are small ways to manage and control your feelings -if it still doesn’t work for you begin learning the habits of a person that you consider happy -that may guarantee you the principles so you can replicate. Another alternative is to turn to Brooke Castillo’s Self Coaching 101 where you can learn a thinking model that would guarantee you a better feeling state.

Bottom line: Hit the reset button, state the truth of the situation and decide how to move onward for your sake and your happiness 

And for the rest of us with the 50% genetic makeup -this doesn't mean your happiness levels cannot be changed.  You too can reset the "set points" to learn the habits of happy people. I believe happy people know hot to hit their reset button successfully.  

Remember everyone has a different definition of happiness –know yours for a successful turnout.